Eating with family and friends

[melissao]

As a family we are taking our steps into paleo diet - we're already dairy, soya, wheat and gluten free, I'm starting on grains and reducing sugars.

My main worry is now eating at family and friends houses, they are very accommodating of our dietary needs but usually using processed 'free from' supermarket alternatives which we don't have at home and using a lot of grains - how do you guys tackle this when you are invited over?
I often suggest they come to us but I know people like to reciprocate and host, sometimes it's unavoidable due my boys staying with my parents who's diet is far from ideal, I'm grateful they spend time with the boys but would like to encourage them not to buy so much processed stuff without sounding ungrateful about their efforts (plus my mum won't be told about anything and often refers to the boys diet as 'fussy' even though they are some of the best eaters I know)

[EJ]

Great questions. There are really 2 questions: how to eat with family & friends, and how to treat your kids eating outside the home.

So first, the kids. I just did a basic search, but check these out:
paleononpaleo.com/paleo-kids-teenagers/ (don't know how old your kids are)
www.paleoplan.com/2013/02-12/my-5-concerns-about-raising-a-paleo-child/
paleoleap.com/paleo-kids/ (especially the Social Challenges section)

Also, check out these blogs for kid/family advice:
everydaypaleo.com/
paleoparents.com/blog/
www.thepaleomom.com/category/paleo-for-kids/topics-for-paleo-families

And for the eating out question, I found this fantastic post:
www.thepaleomom.com/2013/11/guest-post-eileen-laird-paleo-holiday-survival-guide.html

Summary:

• "Calmly let people know what you need, and take steps to make sure your needs are met."
• "Offer to Host"
• "Host a Paleo Potluck"-always make enough great Paleo dishes for your family's needs-don't count on anyone else to make food you can eat.
• "Bring Your Own Food: Sometimes, you are going to be the guest of people who don’t follow the paleo lifestyle. The easiest solution here is to bring your own food. Let your host know ahead of time... Communicate calmly and clearly. You’re not asking them to plan the menu around you. Let them know you’re really looking forward to their company, and bringing your own food is the easiest solution."
• "If bringing your own food isn’t an option, or your simply don’t want to have that conversation, then eat before you go."
  
• "No, But Thanks For Asking"-"If you’re invited to an event you know you won’t enjoy, decline the invitation." and "This phrase also works beautifully when someone is trying to pressure you into a food you can’t eat."
• "If You Fall Off the Wagon, Get Right Back On"
  

[EJ]

So that about sums it up. Do some more searches online-I know I've seen a blog series about how much control parents have over kids' diets. That might help.

Also, for eating out, definitely decide what your #1 evil is. Gluten, grains, dairy, soy? Pick one (I know, it's hard), then make that the request to your host. And then just let them know you'll be bringing some appropriate food for your family (to take the pressure off them). If you can, bring enough to share-they would probably enjoy your recipes It's better to teach by example, right?

For your boys and their grandparents, you could politely ask them not to feed the kids specific types of processed foods (pick your evil, again-is it the snacky foods-crackers, etc.? or is it the fake mashed potatoes from a box?)-and tell them why. "The boys love those crackers, but they come home and are sick for days." Putting the consequences in front of them might help. But then work at it from your side-make sure the boys know that eating certain foods will affect them badly (if they do). If they don't have responses to any foods (no medical conditions or reactions), teach them the best you can to make smart decisions, but in the end, if they eat some crackers, it will probably be okay. Sometimes all you can control is what's in your home-and it sounds like you're doing a great job there!

Another option for your boys' visits to grandparents is to cook their meals (or some of them) ahead of time. Make a huge batch of burgers and send them along (if possible). Put together bags of Paleo-friendly snacks (either pre-made or just bags of cut-up vegetables, containers of guacamole, nuts, nut butter, etc.). That way they'll have them in the fridge/pantry/freezer. It might ease the burden on your parents to figure out what to feed them.

The transition is always hard. And figuring out how far your influence can go. But most people agree that it's important to live life, too! You don't want to avoid friends and family-or alienate them. But at the same time, they're not always going to be supportive. I feel you on the "fussy" diet comments. My mother is not supportive and suggests I just "have a little" That's when you can stick with the "No, but thanks for asking."

Good luck! And remember that a non-Paleo meal every now and then probably isn't the end of the world. (Until/unless you get into AIP or The Paleo Approach...different story there, but hopefully it's temporary then.)

[Melissa]

I need to have a specific game plan in my head before I go to a family or friend's event. Sometimes, they are serving foods I REALLY, REALLY love and haven't eaten in a REALLY, REALLY long time. I can easily forget my goals and succumb to the temptation. I often decide that I will have a tiny, little bit of a certain food and that placates me. It's never easy and I have to have a strategy going in.

[melissao]

Wow thanks EJ - lots to read about

The wheat, dairy and soya are a total no go as the boys are definitely intolerant and if they eat them they get sick, people tend to just then buy the processed stuff to replace it with, I'd rather they didn't and boys went without (ie free from pasta... Id be happier with a jacket potato...)

Will do some reading around but games plan and probably lots of food to take sounds like best option

[melissao]

Oh, boys are 8,6 and 5, really adaptable and happy to have dinosaur food (I got the paleo parent 'eat like a dinosaur' book)

[_hashimom_]

This is a huge struggle for me, too. I have family members that freely give my children whatever they are eating and drinking (diet coke for example)...sometimes I say something and sometimes I just let it go. I don't want to be a Food Nazi (thinking of Seinfeld's Soup Nazi and my children do not have any confirmed food intolerances that I know of...but nonetheless, some family members are what I call, "food pushers" and already think that I am sometimes too strict.

Thank you for the resources you posted, EJ. I will need to check those out.